Online Dating Sites

Dating Sites. We've just launched our third online dating site. It's for Gay Men and it appears to be going down extremely well (like a number of our new members are doing too). The latest is Gay Flirt, adding to UdateME and the hot adult dating site Xflirt.

Friends

Well we all like to have friends, and I certainly feel thrilled whenever I get an email from old friends

But just lately I've had so many old friends get in touch, sending me emails about new Job Opportunities, where I can get cheap Cialis and telling me I've won a huge Lottery prize.

Trouble is, I'm getting quite forgetful and can't remember them all. The latest was someone who thinks he knows me, he's from Nigeria and he's a Doctor, and aparently a millionaire, but can't quite get his hands on the money yet. The most worrying ones are from old girlfriends who are reminding me how small my 'little man' is and are offering to make it bigger for me.

Friends - who needs 'em.

The Iron Fairy

I wonder if you've ever seen the Iron Fairy? I had a dream last night about the Iron Fairy.
I'd just got home from a hectic day at work, not looking forward to the huge pile of ironing left over from our dirty weekend away (dirty in the grubby sense, rather than the bedtime-frollicking sense).
You can imagine what relief I felt when I found it had all been done, ironed, folded and ready to put away. I looked around me, but by now the Iron Fairy was nowhere to be seen. Alas, I woke up to find the clothes were all still there, waiting. So, I must be the Iron Fairy.

How to Make a PORK PIE

340g (12oz) Hot-Water Crust Pastry
340g (12oz) Lean Pork
225g (8oz) Unsmoked Bacon, thinly sliced
1 tsp Sage
½ tsp Allspice
¼ Salt
Pepper, to taste
1 Egg
280ml (½ pint) Jellied Stock or Aspic

Pre-heat oven to 180°C: 350°F: Gas 4.
Lightly grease the outer sides and bottom of a 900g (2lb) jam jar and a baking sheet.
Reserve a quarter of the pastry for the lid (keep warm).
Press the remaining pastry into a circle, place over the up-turned jar, press evenly allowing it to reach the shoulder of the jar, it should be an even thickness of 1cm (½ inch).
Set aside to cool.
Cut a double thickness of greaseproof paper the same depth as that of the pastry case and long enough to wrap around.
Wrap the paper around the case and secure with string.
Place the up-turned jar on to the baking sheet and gently remove the pastry case.
Chop the pork into 2cm (¾ inch) cubes, cut the bacon into pieces.
Mix together the pork, bacon, sage, allspice and season well.
Carefully fill the pastry case with the meat mixture.
Trim off excess pastry that is above the level that the meat reaches.
Press the remaining pastry into a round to form a lid for the pie.
Place on the lid, dampen the edges and crimp to seal.
Use any excess to decorate.
Brush with beaten egg, to provide a glaze.
Cut a hole in the centre, to allow steam to escape.
Bake for 2½ hours, removing the paper collar halfway through the cooking time.
Remove from the oven and allow to cool.
Heat the jellied stock (or aspic) just enough to melt, pour into the pie through the steam vent using a funnel.
The jellied stock should be made from pigs trotters with all fats removed.
Chill for 4-6 hours before serving.

New "Mobile Phone while Driving" rules

From February 27th 2007, the UK Government is planning to increase the fine for motorists caught using their mobile phone while driving. The current fine of £30 will become a £60 fine plus three points on your license. The offence of "using a hand-held phone while driving" in addition to the £60 and 3 points penalty could rise to £1,000 if the matter goes to court Rising to up to £2,500 for drivers of vans, buses, coaches and lorries. So DON'T DO IT.

The Dangers of Air Travel

Poor Little Kylie

Kylie Minogue has cancelled two UK concerts after pulling out halfway through her latest performance Sydney. Kylie's comeback tour after her treatment for breast cancer, has been stalled after doctors advised her not to perform due to a "moderately severe" respiratory tract infection. The concerts were due to take place on 15th and 16th Jan in Manchester. Let's hope that Kylie will be well enough to continue her Showgirl Homecoming tour on Thursday and Friday. Fans with tickets for the two cancelled gigs are advised to hang on to them until a decision is made about whether they will happen at a later date.

We Love Ainsley Harriott

We Love Ainsley Harriott, even when he gives his backing to a well planned packaging idea for Tesco's Finest sausages.

Merry Christmas

Christmas is here, then it's gone. Let's not forget what Christmas stands for - giving and recieving of gifts, having a good time with friends and family and having a couple of well-earned days off work. Spare a thought though, for the poor retailers and their staff who have to work really hard in the run up. Well Done - and thanks.
But hey, it's suddenly all over a time to think of warmer days ahead, and summer. Holidays - I'm going to Butlins this year.

Can't wait for Easter - eggs and chocolates and another 2 days off work.
Merry Christmas

All good things must come to an end.

They say that all good things must come to an end. That's very true. For a short time a new idea comes along and it's great. But then the idea gets exploited. Commercial organisations get on board and spoil the freshness and originality of the idea.
For example, we had Car Boot Sales. Ordinary people bought and sold everyday items that they didn't want, and others were grateful to buy their unwanted items. They even ventured out at the crack of dawn on cold mornings to get their slice of the action. Then later came the tradesmen, the small businesses, then the large businesses - prices went up and the ordinary man was booted out.
Then the Internet was born. Millions of people grabbed the new technology and created websites, even small businesses, even huge dot-com corporations were born out of small beginnings. The Net became the home of creative new ideas, new services and information never before available to the masses (without going to the public library).
A lot of filth came along too - but there were always going to be consumers for it. So legislation quickly followed to prevent the Internet from being bombarded with porn, hate and abuse. So how as the Internet progressed. Domination by MSN and Google. Small online businesses are starting to struggle. Enterprising individuals got into Affiliate Marketing and build up sustainable businesses and retail minnows found another outlet to sell through. Now we are seeing that huge investment is making the Internet the domain of the corporate giants. Google assisted many people, but now is killing them off just as easily as they helped them grow. Google now charge heavily for web businesses to advertise (through PayPerClick programs like AdWords). They are now excluding "affiliate" sites from their organic search and closing in to nail the coffin lid closed with "Froogle".
The latest one to make me weep is eBay. It was great - an online auction site. The ordinary man had a new venture. Many people bought or sold on eBay. But look out, what's going on now. Big business is killing it off by limiting the opportunities for Mr Average to buy or sell. Every day the number of "Buy It Now" labels sit next to relatively expensive items (more that you'd pay for by shopping directly). "Buy It Now" is not an auction principle - it's SELLING an item. I hope Mr eBay gets to read this and brings back the basic thrill of eBay that made it so exciting, before it dies in it's own success.

Blinded By The Light

I'm at home now after a hard day at work, but what a horrible journey home on congested, dark roads. So here is my message to the driver I followed on the slow journey home. Oi you - when you come to a halt, how about using your handbrake and take your foot off the foot-brake. Then I won't be blinded by your impressivly bright high-level brake lights.

While we're on the subject of road-users, how about all you simple-minded souls who never turn your front fog lights off. Hey buddy, what are they called - "Fog Lights". That means when it's foggy you can turn them on so your lights penetrate the fog better. They are not "Rain Lamps" or "Nice Clear Evening Lamps", nor are they "Lamps I keep on all the time because I'm thick, inconsiderate and don't care about anyone else, Lamps". Turn them off please so you do not penetrate my anger threshold. Otherwise await PC Plod to tell you to turn them off with a £30 fine for an encouraging reminder.

Hard frost last night.

Did I speak too soon. There was a hard frost last night. Everyone has woken up to frozen windscreens. This would have been the day to make huge profits on ice scrapers, as we all forget where we put them when we used them last. Best of all, those of us who had a cold - well, it's gone now. Brilliant!

Coughs and Colds

Why is the weather so good?

The UK is now entering stage one of climate change.
It's November, and still warm, no overnight frost yet. There are so many of my friends with colds and flu just now. And the reason? It's too warm, and the bugs are not getting killed by a cold snap.
What a load of tosh. Why do people still blame the weather for colds and illnesses. They are viruses, not caused by warmth or cold. They are minute organisms that live in our bodies and pass around through other bodies.
Take this scenario. Bob has a cold - the virus is in his system, he coughs and splutters and his germs are in the air, and they quickly find another body to infect. So Bob passes his cold on to Sue, then Sue to Dick, then Tom, and so on.
Where in this process does the cold virus get exposed to sub-zero temperatures and start kicking up the daisies?

Thankyou B & Q

It's no wonder that B & Q are struggling as a UK DIY retailer. I'm building a shed and wanted to buy some shiplap timber. So out I popped this morning to our local B&Q store, found the shiplap in lengths of 5.4 metres. At £5.99 a piece it was a lot more expensive than I'd anticipated - you can "buy" a complete shed for what that was going to cost, but OK, I'm here now.
Only problem was how to get the wood into my car - 5.4 metres is way to long to fit in safely.
So, knowing B&Q have a cutting facility I loaded up 20 planks onto my trolley and guided it round to the cutting bay. Gradually working my way up the queue a little sign perturbed me - "First 4 cuts free, then 50p per cut" Hang on - I'd got timber costing around £120 and they want another £8 so I can get it into my car.
So I asked an assistant about it - "yes" he said - 50p a cut. But I suggested - you can cut 5 boards at a time can't you, so it will cost me less" Need I say more - "NO" that's the policy.
I returned the timber back to the rack - I didn't feel like stacking it so I left it on the trolley for the next person, who possibly might have a 6 metre long vehicle.
My reason for thanking B&Q was that I went to a local timber yard, a private, small affair and got all the timber I wanted for half the cost. And they cut it for FREE.

Thanks B&Q for saving me so much money - and you haven't even got A SALE.

Looking Younger

My wife returned from a day's shopping for cosmetics, and that sort of stuff, in the hope that some of it will make her look younger.

After a hard day shopping, she still found time, quite a lot of time in fact, to sit at the mirror applying these "miracle" products. Later that night she asked me my opinion. Darling, honestly, if you didn't know me, what age would you say I am?"

Looking over her carefully, I pondered.

Well, Judging from your skin, twenty, and your hair, probably eighteen and your figure - twenty five."

"Oh, you're just saying that to be nice. Be serious." she gushed.

"I am being serious dear", I said, "but I haven't added them up yet!"

Male objects. Female objects.

You might not know this, but a lot of non-living objects are actually male or female.

Here are some examples:

FREEZER BAGS: They are male because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female. Once turned off it takes a while to warm them up again. They are an effective for reproduction, provided the right buttons are pushed. It can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong buttons.

TYRES: Tyres are male because they go bald easily and are often over inflated.

HOT AIR BALLOONS: Male - to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their arse.

SPONGES: Female - because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGES: Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.

TRAINS: Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.

EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female. Over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMERS: Male. In the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.

THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying... and trying.

Drunken Jesus?

A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs into two priests.

He goes up to them and says, "I'm Jesus Christ."

The first priest says, "No, son, he died for our sins."

So the drunk says "I'm Jesus Christ." to the second priest.

He replies, "No, son, Jesus Christ is the Lord's son and is only with us in spirit now."

The drunk says, "Look, I can prove it." and walks back into the bar with the priests.

The bartender takes one look at the drunk and exclaims,

"Jesus Christ, you're here again?"

Clebrities - what are they?

What does a celebrity have that us ordinary people don't?

It seems that just about anyone can become one. All you need is some TV exposure and something for the masses to hook-up to. This could be that maybe you are pretty, blonde, thick and can't sing. Chantelle, on celebrity Big Bother proved this. A non- celeb became a celebrity - like magic!

Isn't it strange that most celebs spend all their life working on becoming famous, then when they are, they hide from the camera or go around in disguise so as NOT to be noticed?

I wouldn't want to be famous, but I'd like to be wealthier (not rich - but comfortable).

In fact, as Clive James said "Maybe we should all be celebrities - then there wouldn't need to be any distinction". Celebrity "extinction" I'd say.

Children - Adopt one now.

I'd like to adopt a baby. I've already got boy, and a girl. But I want another one. If you have a baby to spare please let me adopt him. I promise I will look after him.

The father of the Malawian boy David Banda has just discovered what "adoption" means. Did he think he was loaning his son for a while? Now adopted by Madonna, on a temporary basis he now says he wouldn't have agreed to adoption if he knew it meant giving up his son "for good".

Mr Banda had previously said the adoption was the "best" for his child. In today's world you know you've "made it" to the top if you can pop over to Africa and pick up a child.

Are children the latest fashion accessory?

New TV commercials for M&S

M&S must be really happy about the new adverts for food from Morrisons and Asda. When the TV ad's start to run the viewer immediately thinks of Marks & Spencer. A good example of copying an idea, but at the same time reinforcing the viewers concept of message given by the images and style of the commercial.